Old School - I Love Being Southern (*Sarcasm*)

Nov. 2005 -

I'm, of course, talking about the racism and stereotyping inherent in Southern culture. As an example, I give you a story that Derrick was telling me and Jon-Jon yesterday.

Derrick was watching Channel 3 News, a station that comes out of Memphis. They had a report that Southern African Americans were the race mostly likely to become obese. The reason? According to report, it's because African-Americans eat foods high in fat, like fried chicken, collared greens cooked in bacon fat, and buttered rolls.

I wonder why they didn't throw in watermelon just to really be dicks?

And, apparently, an African American nutritionist came on and attributed the food habits to the time of slavery, when slaves ate this food and then worked it off in the fields. That comment reminds me of the shit-storm from the 80's when sportscaster Vinnie the Greek made comments about black athletes being so good because slave owners bred bigger, stronger male slaves. Of course, Vinnie the Greek got roasted alive. We get this shit on the 10 o'clock news.

Jeebus.

Jon-Jon, rightly, pointed out that fried chicken and etc. isn't black food. It's Southern soul food. Everyone eats like that down here. Hell, I love telling my friends about the great Southern staple - the catfish fry. *Everything* is deep fried except the cole-slaw, and we've got scientists in UT-Knoxville and Memphis trying to figure out how to do that.

Sadly, the South will never be free of racism or the assholes who keep it alive because they believe shit like "The South will rise again." Get over yourselves, motherfuckers. I've noticed, though, that, for the most part, the racism here is more laid back. Everyone knows about it and has lived with it for so long that it's a part of life. Not that that is right, of course. But, I've seen more obvious and harsh examples of racism in the North.

I'll never forget what Erma told me during my freshman year at UMSL. Erma was my boss at the Honors College when I worked in the office. Erma was African American, funny, and cool-as-shit. I mentioned that I was from Tennessee and she said, "I knew you were from the South."

I said, "How'd you know that. I don't have much of an accent."

Erma said, "You've always been real comfortable coming in and talking with me. Some people aren't like that, especially up here."

That always made me think. Since then, I've been more observant of how races interact. Yesterday, walking into the Chinese buffet for lunch, we got a few looks because we were three white guys (me, Derrick, and my brother Ethan) and a black guy (Jon-Jon). Some of them weren't used to seeing that, I'm sure.

It probably didn't help that we had almost every stereotype covered. You had me, in my workshirt and workboots looking like a pissed off honky mechanic. Derrick had his videogame shirt and hat on, so he was nerding it up. Jon-Jon's a big guy (a little shorter than me and probably the same weight, if not a little more), so a few people probably saw a big angry black dude. And Ethan, the red-headed demon/high school student trying to be too cool for school. We were the most rag-tag, ill formed gang ~evah~.